


I Want To Hold You Like You're Mine

by erinn_bedford



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kisses, Pining, as does Jealous!peter, au where the letters don't go out until college and LJ and Peter fake date for different reasons, john makes an appearance, peter has a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 23:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16464128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erinn_bedford/pseuds/erinn_bedford
Summary: “But I need you to be honest with me.”“I am honest with you.” He says. She shakes her head and presses her lips together.In this position, it’s really hard to look anywhere other than her lips.“What do you want?”Or, the au where the letters don't go out until they are in college, and Peter gets a little jealous.





	I Want To Hold You Like You're Mine

John’s arm is casually around her shoulder.

He shouldn’t care. Really, this whole thing is fake, a way to keep girls off his back at parties and give her an excuse to escape her terrible roommate for a few days. She comes to him on odd weekends, being an effective party buffer, and he goes to her on evens, enacting the sock on the door rule so she can use her room without worrying about her shitty roommate.

And John is a good guy. They knew each other when they were kids, and somehow ended up at the same college, so they shared a room. With another guy, Gabe, who was also amazing.

If Gabe had his arm around Lara Jean, Peter knows he wouldn’t care. Because Gabe has before, and it never bothered him.

But this does.

John whispers something in her ear, and Lara Jean laughs, and the cup in Peter’s hand crushes between his fingers.

He’s jealous.

Of one of his best friends. 

He’s up and moving across the room before he even knows what he’s doing, slipping behind them so he can tap John’s elbow and slide his arm around Lara Jean’s waist.

John’s arm drops to his side and he takes two steps back, and Lara Jean leans into him, twisting her cheek up toward him for a kiss on instinct.

Something inside of Peter feels victorious as he presses a quick kiss to her cheek. And he hates himself.

Because Lara Jean is not really his to be jealous over. And if John likes her, he should have the chance. Peter hates to think about it, but Lara Jean and John would be good together, probably even great.

“Peter.”

He’s stuck in his head, but her voice pulls him out. She twisted in his arms, so she’s halfway facing him, her hip pressed solidly against his stomach, a question in her eyes.

She’s not his to be jealous of. She’s not his to want.

But he wants.

He presses his lips against her hair. “Lemme know when you want to get out of here.”

xXx

It’s starts with a letter.

A letter that’s obviously from middle school and finds his way to him during thanksgiving break.

He’s 18 now. In college and he hasn’t really thought about the girl named Lara Jean in a while, which makes the letter even more confusing.

He plans on ignoring it, until he’s craving chocolate ice cream at midnight, and runs to the only grocery store in town that is still open, and almost runs head first into said girl.

She has flour on her cheeks.

He stops her carriage just as it turns the corner, inches away from colliding into him. She almost makes him drop his ice cream.

“Shit.” She says, and immediately tries to back away, but he grabs hold of the carriage, stopping her short.

“I did not always take the last slice of pizza.”

“We are not talking about this.” She says, tugging on the cart, but he tugs it back.

“Covey. You cannot send me a love letter like that, and then not give me an explanation.” He’s not sure why it means so much to him all of a sudden. But he wants to know.

“Would you believe me if I told you my little sister is a menace.”

They end up at the diner down the street, his ice cream forgotten in promise of a chocolate milkshake.

“My sister found my letters when she was cleaning out my room. She’s has a bit of an evil streak and decided that now was a good time to ruin my life by sending them out. I didn’t find out until Lucas messaged me on Facebook and said his mom sent it to him. I was hoping the others got lost in the mail.”

“Others?” The thought never crossed his mind that there might have been other letters, and other people that she liked.

“Five in total.” She takes a sip of her cherry coke, and sighs. “Can we just pretend it never happened?”

“Oh no.” Peter says. He steals one of her fries. “You can’t tell me you like the way my eyes sparkle and then pretend it’s nothing.”

“I did not say your eyes sparkled.”

Somehow, they veer off topic and into college and freshman problems, and she brings up her terrible roommate, and he brings up how he wants girls to stop trying to make out with him at parties, and a stupid idea forms in his head.

He ignores it a for a few days, until he’s at another party where some girl keeps running her hand along his arm, so he grabs his phone, finds her on Facebook and sends her his idea.

The fact that she agrees is even more improbable than her sending him a six-year-old letter.

xXx

He slides his hand into her back pocket as they leave the party. It’s almost reflex now, and he may be feeling a little territorial right now.

She starts heading in the direction of his dorm, but he spins her, pulling her in the other direction. “I don’t want to go back just yet.” He says, fixing her scarf so she’ll stay warm.

It’s one of the warmer February days, but there’s still a chill in the air.

She gives him an odd look, but shrugs, taking a few steps in the direction he led them towards. She’s too many steps away for him to casually reach out and grab her hand now.

“So,” She says after a few minutes of silence. “What’s going on with you today?” She pivots so she can look at him, walking backwards.

“What do you mean?”

“You were being a little,” she pauses, face scrunching up as she looks for the right word. “Territorial at the party.”

“Was I?” He asks. He wants to play it cool, but he knows she can see right through him. She turns around again, making a left so they are heading toward the soccer fields.

“Yep.” She says, popping the _p_. “Quite territorial.”

He doesn’t know how to answer without sounding like a jealous asshole, so he just hums, and tries to catch up to her.

“Especially around John.”

The words drop between them, echoing around in the night air. He should have known that she would pick up on how he felt.

“Oh.”

“He’s nice.” She says. He knows she’s dancing around what she really wants to talk about. Building up to asking him something that might potentially be uncomfortable.

“Yeah. He is. You guys would be great together.”

Lara Jean stops walking, her entire body tensing. He wants to sew his mouth shut and never speak again.

“Peter…”

He catches up to her but continues moving, until he can rest against the fence.  “I mean, he got a letter too right?” He waits for her to nod before he continues. “And he was pretty crazy about you back in middle school."

“It’s funny.” Lara Jean says, settling next to him on the fence. “He was telling me the same exact thing about you earlier.”

“He was?”

She nods and knocks his shoulder. “What’s bothering you?”

He swallows hard, trying to come up with the right words. “I don’t want what we have to stop you from finding a relationship you actually want.” He can’t call what they are doing fake. For him, it hasn’t really been fake since this semester started.

Lara Jean takes a breath, and he can almost hear her thinking.

“Is this you trying to break up with me? Because it sounds a lot like you are trying to break up with me.”

“No!” He says, probably too quickly. “It’s just—”

“You’re jealous.” She says it, so matter-of-fact, so quickly, that he just sighs and rests his head on the bar of the fence.

“I’m sorry. It just happened out of nowhere, and I promise I won’t do it again. If you want to keep doing this.”

““I don’t want to fake break up with you. But I can be friends with guys ya know.”

“Obviously.”

“Then what’s your deal?”

She doesn’t sound angry, just curious.

“John’s the type of guy that’s good for you. No one would question you guys being together like they do with us. He’s smart and funny, and…”

“People say we don’t go together?” She asks.

“You’re too good for me.”

She taps his arm, and then ducks under it, pushing herself between him and the fence.

She pushes him up until she can press her forehead against his. “That’s a lie.”

He takes a deep breath, breathing her in.

“I wouldn’t be dating you if you weren’t good for me.” She says.

She forgot the fake. It shouldn’t make that big of a deal, but he’s pretty sure he forgets how to breath.

“But I need you to be honest with me.”

“I am honest with you.” He says. She shakes her head and presses her lips together.

In this position, it’s really hard to look anywhere other than her lips.

“What do you want?”

It’s a simple question really. He wants lots of things.

He wants to kiss her.

He wants to hold her hand.

He wants to kiss her neck.

He wants to know what her chap stick tastes like.

He wants to know if she likes him as much as he likes her.

He wants to take her on real dates.

He doesn’t want this to be fake.

But all of that seems like too much for right now.

Instead he closes his eyes.

“I want to hold you like you’re mine.”

Her breath catches. She slowly slides her hands up his chest and links them around his neck.

“Ask me.”

“What?” His voice breaks over the word.

“Ask me, Kavinsky.”

“What do you want, Covey?”

She knocks her nose against his. “I want you to kiss me.”

His heart kind of explodes.

The stupid ball of jealously in his gut dissolves.

He slides his hand around her waist, tugging her closer.

“You sure?” He asks.

“Very.” She licks her lips, and he might lose his mind just a little bit. She pushes herself up on her toes and tugs him closer to her. “You don’t have to be jealous of anyone, Peter. Because the only person I want to be with for real is you.”

His lips collide with her. She sighs happily, and he takes advantage of it to lick along the seam of her mouth.

She smiles into the kiss, her teeth catching the edge of his lip, causing him to groan.

He’s wanted this. He’s wanted this for so long he’s going slightly dizzy.

“Covey,” he says, pulling back. She presses kisses down his jaw, nipping at his skin. “I can’t go back to not kissing you. I can’t keep pretending this is fake.”

“I don’t want to either.”

She pulls him down to her again, hands slipping down his chest, cold fingers brush under his shirt. He flinches, accidentally breaking them apart. She erupts into giggles, and he pulls her in, so he can hug her, burrowing his head into her shoulder.

“We have time. Right?” He wants this to be real. He wants to kiss her when she wants him to and be able to wrap his arms around her and hold her close like this again and again and again.

She nods, slipping her hands under his shirt again, warming them against his skin, sending goosebumps down his chest. “All the time in the world.”

“Good.” He cups her face and drags his lips back to hers, kissing her soft and slow. They have time to kiss like this now.

All the time in the world.

That’s all he really wants with her.   

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading. The title of this comes from "Agnes" by Glass Animals, and it inspired this entire fic. It's one of those line that every time I hear it I fall more in love with it. 
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr [here!](http://fallinfor-youreyes.tumblr.com/)


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